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| I had a dream last night... many dreams actually... but the one that got me up was this one... My mom brought out an envelope she had been keeping... it was filled with the stories of my childhood... written on dollar bills... when I woke up I took a dollar out of my petty for selling at the Anime conventions, wrote in blue gel ink, at the top on the front: "better luck. the war is almost over" at the bottom on front: "very good" on the top on back: "I love both my parents" on bottom on back: "very much" in my dream i had put the bill in an envelope labelled... "to Mom" but i couldn't find an envelope so i made one, folded typing paper and drew an opening but the paper was taped together on both ends and folded over the bill... trust me it was openable. and i wrote on the envelope "I had a dream last night i did this" on the back... and in front I wrote "Hi mother" I'M ON MYSPACE NOW. - tuNES:MATCHBOX 20- THESE HARD TIMES
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| Okay, so so far today I made two copies of each of the two CDs I made for Tim... one copy for each of us. The songlists are...   Disc 1_________............_________Disc2 **Album Art   Disc 1_________............_________Disc2 I put em up on DeviantArt...
Anyway... So Thursday I hung out with my ex-boyfriend Clinton Cunningham. I ate fish sticks and parbeque chicken at his casa and played Dead Or Alive 3... I played with his kitty cat named Gir. She's half siamese and half american short hair.
Yesterday I stayed home and made my special corned beef with corn and partially scorched rice (a filipino delicacy)... I screwed around with my schedule... only have 12 hours in the schedule so far... I wanna add 3 more hours, just so I can have 15 again. The Lamar website was being a bitch about letting me access it... had to log in twice or three times for every action. ...so so so GAY.
Anyway... So WednesdayI went over to Misty's with Paul and spent time with her kittens... played Soul Calibur 3 & drew two sketches... one of an elf in a kimono and the other of a nekosan chick holding a wand.
Tuesday I hung out with Chris Hill, Misty, and Ryan Keith... went to play DDR and watch em play Initial D at the Funplex arcade. went to eat at Raising Kain (I'm not even sure how to spell it.....) They have good chicken tenders! wow... =D Then Chris dropped Misty off early because she had school and wanted to dye her hair before her first day of spring semester (her last semester of high school =D)
.... And Monday I watched DNAngel episodes 1-4... cleaned the house... I can't remember what else I did... but Im sure I have an entry in here somewhere that says I did something.... kk? whatever, gonna go post this entry in all my blogs and online journals and HOPEFULLY get some sleeeeeep. ciao. >_ - I'm fEELinG:accomplished
 - tuNES:Howie Day - Collide
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| finally, I have someone I perfectly match with.
someone to hold me. someone to squeeze me when I feel alone.
someone to kiss my tears away in the dark...
someone to keep me warm when my heart gets cold.
someone to care for while we both grow old...
I thought I was in love before... but now, now I truly have seen the face of love.
I feel liberated from my nightmares.
I feel his love all around me whenever he's not around.
It feels so good to love someone as much as they love you.
relationships aren't just about sex and love... it's about everything else that matters...
money, hope, pain, anguish, commitment, honesty... the truth can set your heart and mind free.
I've lied to him before, but I now he knows the truth... you can't hide behind your false images you make people believe are
you.
Sooner or later the real you will shine through... sooner or later what you truly are could upset your loved ones.
because all along your portrayed aspects may cause them to believe you're better than you truly are... but sometimes.....
you show them all sides of the real you and they love you even more... because honestly, only certain kinds of mystery are
interesting.
if you really want to be my friend... you shouldn't have to lie to me to make me like you...
be yourself, nothing less...
Friends of mine come in all shades, sizes and cultures... I don't judge you just because you're from a certain place... or
like different things, how much money is in your wallet, how many friends you have...
I only care about your compatibility... the type of personality you posess.
Whether or not you're open-minded.
Close-minded people piss me off. Just because we like different things doesn't mean we can't get along.
Just because I dress a certain way... the way I walk... the way I eat... the music I like...
The friends I have...
whatever it is. I don't like simple-minded people. "think outside the box!"
What's different can definitely be interesting.
Take my boyfriend for example,
He's from a small small town near Crystal Beach (1A school from a graduating class of around 30 or 40 kids). He's not
exactly a gorgeous guy in everyone's eyes (to me he is... but that's a different story)
He listens to country, rock, alternative, and classical. He's never had a girlfreind before me and if he had ever asked one
out they'd probably laugh at him and reject him.
He likes Full Metal Alchemist, He drives a car that's technically a piece of shit.
He dresses in Abercrombie & Fitch clothes. He knows nothing about computers.
He likes to play Halo (and Halo 2) & and racing games. He loves to race. he's tall and he was probably the least popular guy
in high school. favorite color: orange. He has alot of cats and one dog.
Me:
I'm from Alief (a huge town- 5A schools... 4 highschools in my town and 3 have over 4 thousand poeple in each). I've had
many boyfriends (5 serious ones and multiple weekly flings) and get hit on everywhere I go... unless it's Montrose. LOL. I
even get hit on there sometimes. :P I'm not THAT pretty... it's just some guys are really desperate. I think I'm alright...
but that's just my opinion. I wasn't very popular... but almost everyone knew who I was... known for numerous things... like
choir performances, art recognitions, academic recognitions, "that girl that sleeps and makes all the good grades",
teacher's pet and sometimes girls hate me because their bofriend pays more attention to me than them. (No joke)
I listen to techno, rock, alternative, heavy metal... just about everything that dosn't suck... lol. Not much of a country
or classical music fan though.
I wear alot of dark clothes... mostly black and green. I don't just shop at Hot Topic, but it's the only store around here
that sells much of the shit I like.
I like Gravitation and Love Hina. I love losing games. I drink sometimes... and smoke like a few times a year (can't stand
smoking more than once a week.)
My favorite color is obviously green (picked out my house for my parents: it's green and white)... I have one dog named
Sugar and a cat named Kakashi (Kakashi no live with me though)
And yet, me and my boyfriend go so well together like peanut butter and jelly. I guess I'd be the jelly because I'm sweet
and fruity and full of color (not a boring person)... and Tim's more like peanut butter because he's sooooo damn clingy.
lol. And he likes the stuff too. HAHA
My mom seems to like Tim to be my boyfriend... because whenever me and Tim were fighting she wanted to get involved and have
it work out.
by the way, I have a new kitty now... he lives with Timothy... for awhile... his name is Kakashi Hatake and he likes to claw
people... but he's such a sweetie pie. ;)
Misty named him for me. He's been living at Misty's house since he was a kitty fetus. Murky is his mommy and I believe his
father is Shadow.
I call my kitty Kashi for short... he answers to "ssssssssshhhhhhht"
He hears the 'sh' in Kakashi and he'll manuver towards you. ^_^
today I went to church and the mall with my family + Tim.
Tim stayed at my house last night... he had to, otherwise he'd have to sleep in his car. my parents were there and he slept
on the couch and I was in my room with the door locked.
after the mall paul and his parents took us two to my driveway so we could hop into Tim's car and go 'adopt' my kitty.
I picked him at birth pretty much... it was either him or Sasuke. They're both black and male. But Rachel, Misty's sister,
wanted to keep him... and Misty wanted to keep both Lucidy and Sasuke.
well, kashi's my favorite. ;)
He was born when I was a senior in high school still. My doggie will be 9 years old this February.
HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVERYONE!!! - I'm fEELinG:grateful
 - tuNES:Disturbed - Numb
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| Tonight … well I got home this morning at around 1:30… Back from Therese’s and Marie’s apartment. Adam’s bday party was fun and there was plenty of Family Guy to watch and alcohol to drink.
I spent time with my cousins and their ‘posse’ members.
This morning when I woke up I started doing the laundry and cleaning the house a bit…. Especially my room and my bathroom… Last night I was taking things apart and the night before that I had someone sleep over and there were pillows and blankets on the floor.
Crazy, crazy life of mine…
So I washed dishes, cleaned the kitchen because my dad leave coffee cup rings to stain the counters and stray popcorn kernels were everywhere… I swear, my father is like a younger sibling the way he does things like that.
I made my father a cat screensaver of Absyddian and Siamese cats.
Fixed his pc a bit…. Messed around with my two PCs… burned my dad a disc of Blink 182 songs because he wanted them.
What else did I do?
I made dinner for my parents, showered and got ready for Adam’s Bday party…
Vacuumed my floor and changed my bed sheets… (I hadn’t changed them since I left for college for Fall semester.)
I feel like if I wrote more here…. Who’s going to read my journal anyway?
Oh, well…
Alright… Have a nice dream everyone… I still have to post these entries online before I lay to rest… (I haven’t had enough time in my crazy schedule to post this entry whenever I typed them… so I saved them and posting these as backdated entries.) - I'm fEELinG:exhausted
 - tuNES:Metallica - Hero Of The Day
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| One day left after today and it's a new year... welcoming 2006!
I hope I get to go to everyone's graduation in May. I <3 you class of '06!
Yesterday was crazy, fun and hectic.
The night before Ryan wanted to drive me to Fun Plex to hang with him, Misty, and Chris... but my mother didn't let me go... so Ryan said "hi" to my dog and talked to my father and left.
Lipop slept over that night and I stayed up on my pc awhile before going to bed.
Yesterday started off with my awakening and messing around with my desktop pc.
After that I took a shower and noticed that my dog, Sugar, was not in her box this morning...
I ate a few bites of Oatmeal and me and Cora set out looking for my dog.
As I toured Lipop in the backyard (showed her our planted and my father's shed he built from scratch)...
The shed barked at me. "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrf!!!" and Lipop said, "Hey, Is that your dog?" And I thought she was on the other side of the fence on the street barking at us to let her in... but as it turned out she was trapped underneath my father's shed... she had dug a hole big enough to squeeze in head first but not large enough to get out of.
I came to the rescue... but my dog was so afraid of me that she wouldn't and couldn't climb out.
ran inside to get my father and told him what had happened... with a little bit of help from me removing pieces of the shed's foundation, we managed to rescue my old puppy from her death.
I took her a bath and walked her to my aunt's house with my laptop so I could try and use my aunt's DSL.
My laptop still has that overheating problem, so I just discovered my cousin Cindel asleep in her bed that's in a room that was her older sister's (Therese) and she asked if I had any plans for today.
Talked to James, walked the dog back home... took the laptop back home.
Me, Cindel and Lipop then went to West Oaks and Payless Shoes Source down on Westheimer and Hwy 6.
We had plenty of fun shopping and I got just about everything I wanted. Just no shirts or a pair of shoes.
I bought green track pants, cami cargo shorts, black daisy dukes, and a Lamar hoodie from Steve & Barry's....
Two calendars, one for me and one for Tim. (Full Metal Alchemist and Sandy Beaches)
a backlight, earrings, and bamboo curtains from Spencers...
And my "doll shoes" from Payless Shoes...
After all that- Cindel drove us to Lucky Village where we met up with Paul, his parents, Chris and his mom, and Lipop's parents.
Goooooood sushi from the sushi bar and other Asian foods + cheesecake!
I was happy... transferred my shopping bags to the Guidry's car and Uncle George (Paul's father) took us to their house. Lipop was intent with her laptop and the wireless internet access we all love to jack from one of Paul's neighbors.
I watched Paul play his new PC game- Silent Hill 4. And talked about what I bought that day from the mall with Cindel and Lipop.
what a great day. hopefully... tomorrow will be just as good.
I mean, today... lol... it's 2am and I forgot it was Friday already!!!
Adam's bday party tonight at Chris's, Marie's, Therese's and Adam's apartment! Happy bday to Adam, he will be 22.
Therese will be 23 this coming March 14. Marie will be 22 on June 19. And Cinel will be 21 on October 7.
I'll be 18 in about 3 weeks... and 19 in January of '07. Paul's bday passed, he's 19... Turning 20 on December 12, 2006.
Sue will be 13 December 15... Sean, 14 on October 4.... wow, everyone's growing up so fast... I can remember the night Sue was born! lol... I was about 6 years old then! wow.... really... someone take a picture before we're all adults and range form 20-30.... oy.
Laundry in the morning when I wake up... breakfast/lunch.... then off to my cousins' apartment for a Fiesta!
JOY!
^_^ everyone please hide the liquor, I don't want to get into any trouble before I'm 18... heheh. - I'm fEELinG:awake
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| I chilled/got thrashed around in the pick-up bed with Chris and Ryan and Misty where inside of the truck listening to Green Day. Big Green Day fans, yes. I have the Green Day poster in my dorm from Timothy... thanks a lot...
Anyway, so we drive to my house to chill. We listened to the shit I had on my laptop and desktop.... looked at the step files I had for StepMania and looked through last years, '04's and '03's yearbook. I only went to high school for 3 years and graduated my 2nd year on Hastings main Campus... I was at Kerr and transferred to Hastings the second week of my freshmen year. They stuck me in Community C because I had came from Kerr it was the only place to put me. (There's A,B and C communities)
Man, so after chillin at my house we went to my Uncle Flor's so they could enjoy free Filipino cuisine.
They were annoyed by the karaoke obsessed elders.... we drank champagne and headed to Ryan's place....
He was going to drive us around in his Lumina... but we ended up getting some alcoholic beverages (Smirnoff Twisted IV Green Apple flavor ~the best!) We couldn't find any hard liquor. So, Chris and Ryan drank whiskey and vodka...
I had 3 and a half malt liquors (only 5% alcohol by volume). Just enough alcohol in my system to be tipsy. But I'm always crazy, so it's hard to tell when I'm tipsy or sober... prolly when I'm dead serious I'm uber sober.
I "raved" with Ryan with glow sticks... I hadn't done that since I was 13... it was a blast.
We listened to internet radio and Misty and Chris were playing Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories... Me and Ryan were playing Pokémon Sapphire.
I can't make the alt+### characters on my laptop because it has no number pad. and I'm so lazy to replace them with the correct characters... so blah. You can understand me, right? lol.... I understand... I'm always all of the place in a conversation. What can I say, things in my head can run laps around the thoughts of the average mind.
So after all that playing with Ryan's dog and "partying". Ryan took me home.... and we made a detour to Hastings.... that's where Ryan parked the truck in Old Alief by a trailer home or shack and we walked around Hastings campus, just to reminisce. Senior year was my best year... and ninth grade was the 2nd best. Ninth grade would be first if I hadn't got emo and cried so fucking much about Joshua and Lee.
Man, I was so stupid then.
But I managed to graduate in 3 years as Magna Cumlaude. Top 10%. Even though I had slept through at least 75% of high school. People used to mess with me while I was asleep; like put stuff in my mouth, copy answers from my in-class assignments, homework and projects.
I loved high school. And so far... college isn’t that bad.... - I'm fEELinG:bouncy
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| My Christmas wasn't too bad. I had lunch at Paul's (Paul Guidry~Raven) place and before that we went to mass at 10:45am... yeah, my family's Catholic... and I'm not. I'm Pagan. Well, after church we visited the cemetery to pray over my grandparents' grave. had to reenact it whenever my Uncle Flor finally caught up with the rest of my extended family.
My mom was telling everyone about my life accomplishments, like scholarships as a child and talents...
I took voice lesson when I was 8 or so... only followed through for about 4 months and quit because I was so tired of all the voice training.... and my 8th grade year at Holub Middle I won an award of Outstanding Choir Member. 9th grade I was rated a 1... Best score you could get.
10th grade I joined MCJROTC and was promoted to rank as Lance Corporal, best in the platoon- got the academic award for MCJROTC- for all first year members... I'm sure I leaving a bunch of trophies and awards out.... just too many to mention.
Sorry for bragging, my mother just reminded me that I'm actually a quite talented individual.
Because I always considered myself slow, retarded and untalented.
But I knew I could draw, create awesome imagery in Photoshop, sing, play basic guitar (tabs), play soccer, run track, play DDR on Heavy, ITG on Hard and maybe expert.... but I'm just too lazy. Plain and simple.
My family always celebrates xmas at midnight and the night of xmas eve... midnight for opening presents...
Yeah, I’m sleepy... so Imma go sleep soon. ciao - I'm fEELinG:calm
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| Yesterday we celebrated xmas eve. We had Manitos (Filipino secret santas) and red wine.
lol...
I went in and asked what they had to drink... and my uncle said, no soda, just beer and red wine- Sangria.
funny funny stuff.
so I was all relaxed enough to sing karaoke this year and enjoy myself... haha.
For xmas I got dollar store lotion, bath products (Vanilla), a jacket, a book light, money and piggy house socks...
compliments of 8 different families.... still no birthday present from lyda and the other paragosos from last year... but I but a jacket this year.
I was hoping there was more money in the pockets T_T
.... there wasn't any.
From my parents,
got my "old" desktop computer up and running.... (bought it in Fall or Winter of 2002, 2.2 GHz Pentium 4... 1GB of RAM and 80GB of Hard drive space.)...
a jelly belly bean machine, school supplies (folders, binders, highlights, pens and stuff),
a bookmark electronic dictionary, a pocket pc case (I don't have one but I’ll use it for something),
a digital camera case, a crystal Jesus thingy, and my mom gave me her winnings whenever we played our little advent game... it's like "guess which of the 24 boxes have the ten dollar bill in it?" but the other boxes had pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, and smaller bills... just not very many of them :/
my dad kept his winnings... i guess that's our laundry money... since the plumbing at my house is so bad that only 2 members of the family can take one bath per day and we can't flush anything other than water and human waste.
...I’m guessing that stuff will be counted for both xmas and birthday since my bday is in about a month.
Paul... hasn't given me a present yet.
but I got him a good art set for xmas (wooden case and over a hundred pieces)
this xmas was pretty good, I’m going to have a good sleep...
lol.
oh yeah...
And today I went to the cemetery to visit my grandparents' grave and went to church... ciao. - I'm fEELinG:cheerful
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| Man, yesterday and Thursday were both very crazy... so was finals and everything.... oy!
Wednesday I moved into my new dorm with help form Tim (my boyfriend), Nikki (my new room mate), Dennis (my room mate's boyfriend), and Paul.
It was crazy but I managed to move in, clean up, eat at Subway and go bowling.
After cleaning up a bit and moving in... when finals were all over and done (relief!),
Nikki, Dennis, Eric, Trey and I went to Subway to eat dinner... slow, slow service... and bad bad dining music.
I ate half then and half the sandwich in my dorm after cleaning some more and waiting for James, Eliesha, and Chris to get finished eating dinner at some restaurant. Then, James came to get me and direct to Chris's SUV and the four of us went bowling.
I sucked so bad... but we had good food and lots of fun. (+ Sprite!)
I love Sprite... lol
Anyway, so at about midnight to 1am I got home... it was quiet so I figured Nikki was asleep...
Later on I found out she was at Dennis's and I snuck in there to see if Paul was online so I could ask him what time we were leaving to go back to Houston... Sorry, Nikki... I hope I didn't accidently do anything to your laptop.
I talked to Paul on AIM until about 4 or 5am... then took a shower and went over to paul's to help him move things into his car... moved the stuff using Nikki's cart. Again, I'm so fortunate to have her as a room mate T_T
One the drive home Paul kept falling midway-asleep and scared the hell out of us both.
We both stayed up all night... But I hadn't had much sleep in the last two weeks, so I was so out of it I just suggested we stop and eat breakfast.
After coffee and breakfast at Mickey D's... we were on the road again. made it home safely. And I didn't get to go to bed until that night... plenty of stuff went on... good times, good times.
Hope everyone made it to their loved ones safe this holiday season as well. - I'm fEELinG:anxious
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| Well, it's been awhile since I've posted anything. I usually post a blog or journal every other day... and here I am, haven't posted one in maybe a week? i dunno. Well, anyways. so I'm moving in with Nikki because my room mate's friend Whitney wants to room with my room mate (Portia) because her room mate and her don't get along... and Nikki room mate Amelia moved out without even saying anything to Nikki. She roomed with someone else and left Nikki with her Sweet N'Low and an empty room. I moved in a few things, like my DVDs and 2/3's of my food + silverware and stuffed animals. Good times, good times. I've been anti-studying and not doing my homework for two days... and I should get down on it son because finals are Wednesday and Thursday in Calculus, Chemistry, English Comp,and Art Appreciation. Plus, I've got a debate paper due in English Comp and have no clue in Chemistry and Calculus (and Art Appreciation). yikes! I have to mke a 90 on my english diagnostic test, wish me luck!
I'm sure I'll be just fine now that the noise will be gone. I've been playing Pristontale!
 - I'm fEELinG:silly
- tuNES:Celldweller - Frozen
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| I'm all mellowed out right now. I just got out of the shower and I'm all cool to the touch and relaxed...
Tim's giving me a foot massage with lotion because my feet are aching and dry from playing DDR at the LAN party tonight. I left early because I wasn't feeling well and I was getting sleepy.
But now I'm installing new games on my computer like; BloodRayne 2 and Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines, Sacred Underworld, and both of the Neverwinter Nights games.
(A LAN party is a "party" where computer nerds gather and share files and play games with each other, hence the term "LAN" which means Local Area Network. And by files I mean porn, other movies, anime, pictures, games + their cracks (so you don't need to buy the CDs for the serial codes and to play the game), and other random program setup files.)
They were playing FEAR. I was playing DDR Max2 on PS2 (Chris-the-chem-E's). I had brought my Red Octane DDR pad up there and Chris had his cheap pad... later, someone else had brought a metal pad but it was only for xbox because he didnt have the right connections for PS2, sucks ass.
It started at 7pm and I left some time after 1am. The party goes on until 6am @ the Maes building (AKA Education).
Now I'm currently listening to Blink 182. I'm exhausted from having about a month of sleeping late, stressing over college shit, and being aggrevated with things like my laptop and its over-heating-and-shutting-off-a-the-worst-times problem... that and coming back from evacuating- and waiting for the maintanence crew to fix up what Hurricane Rita had screwed up- and finding my room smelling like moldy disgustingness and about 200 dollars missing from one of the drawers in my dorm. RAWR!!!! I was so pissed... and not only that but everyone else had gotten their $500 of refunds but me... and I had to rearrange my dorm. They shoved everything in my closet to "clean" up my dorm.
Monday I've got a retake test day for Calculus and Analytical Geometry I for Exam 2. 95% of the people in that class failed... 70% failed horribly and of the 5% that passed 2 or 3 of them had an A or B. And hopefully when I receive my chemistry exam #2 scantron back, I'll find it marked with a grade higher than 70. I need it. I think my only other grade in there is Exam #1 and I got something like a 56 on it... luckily lab is 25% of the grade and I have a 95 or higher in lab. yay. And Monday I have my Intro to Engineering class. I hope there are 4 different societies that have meetings before the end of the semester. I also need to interview a chemical engineer .
Tuesday I've got to turn in a journal assignment I had forgotten about and turn in an essay I haven't even typed up yet... I've got Art Appreiation that day... I hope we have another interesting video... I need to stay awake and pay attention so I can pass with at least a C. All engineering majors have to retake a class if they make less then a C in ANY class, even art or music. And only allowed to retake a course 4 times. And Tuesday I have Calc&AG I as well as lab, english composition I and Art appreciation... it's my busiest day.
Wednesday I have no clue what's happening... but I have CHEM I and CALC&AG I.
Thursday I have English Comp I & Art Appreciation.
Friday just chem I.
And no Art Appreciation is not as easy as it sounds... it deals with history and details of certain eras, art pieces, and artists.
I hope the next exam in art app is easy enough so I can make a B in there. I'd hate to see myself get a D and having to retake it.
November 23rd at night is when my thanksgiving break begins, I can't fuckin wait.
I'm sleepy. ciao | |
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| A brilliant bolt of lightning descends! SHAZAAM! The oracle has spoken! The smoke clears to reveal that inside you is a divine being, DEMETER, Goddess of the Fruitful Earth. She is a deity who embraces all that man has to offer. Sex for you is probably just as much of a spiritual experience as it is a physical one. You are an unconventional lover who doesn't feel the need to obey traditional gender roles or follow the norms set by society. Although you are a firm believer in experimentation, you never rush your sexual encounters. It's important for you to experience sex in a deep and profound way. When in the bedroom, you not only surrender your body to the experience, but you allow your mind and your spirit to join the action. Men find you to be a phenomenal lover, and they never fail to be completely elated and fulfilled when the night is over. Sex for you is much more than the sum of its parts. It's an experience that provides you and your partner with an unforgettable moment. For the men who are fortunate enough to share your bed, it's like a light streaming down from the heavens. Behold, the skies proclaim, here lies a goddess! If you wanna take this quiz, go to tickle.com and search for this quiz. If you're a guy, take the Sex God one...
Honestly, I don't believe I've ever loved anyone this much before.
[Well, in this short a time away...]
yup.
Well, my buddy Jared and his band are playin in the Dark Room Sunday night Nov 13, 2005!
Yall go out and support him. It only cost $8! For more info check out my bulletin or Zen Philosophy's music profile on Myspace! Today I didn't do much but pay my boyfriend some attention he deserves. I can't stop chewing on my hair!!! Grrr... bad habit. bad jolene!
I'm on the ball when in comes to school now. (pretty much) I'm doing fine in English, as I've known for a week or so now... And Art Appreciation I'm passing when I thought I wasn't... at all. Calculus is too steadily getting better. I was failing at first attempt, then immediately after Mr.Laidacker graded my first exam. I need to receive my grade on exam #2 before I get all jolly about Calculus & Analytical geometry. Chemistry will get better after the 2nd exam. My lab grades are excellent.
Yesterday I played ITG & DDR at Paul's dorm some after class and dinner. Life is pretty hectic because of Hurricane Rita, it caused us to be out of class for a month and now we lost two weeks or three from our winter break.
Nothing else matters...
"UNDEPLETED MEMORY"
by: Jolene T. Davis March 2005 Lying there, bleeding from the eyes
forever more, my darkness shall despise
glimpses foreseeing nothing but shame
knowing nothing, clueless but the name
remembering times out and in-between
blinder from the past, all I have seen
no words in silence gazing through fog
writing and scribbling mesages in a blog
insanity drives me to do these mindless things
making mistakes, not knowing what truth brings
if it's easier to run, why do I hold this gun
why do I feel like I'm everyone yet no one
even though you're gone the memories remain
all I can do today is watch the rain
missing you, wanting you, I almost died
wish you'd come back to stay with me by my side
constantly thinking of positive fiction
I'm a slave to my neverending diction
memories haunt me like present time
traces in my mind, you're the most sublime
realizing how you'll never come back to me
alive in my heart, soaked in my memory
out of my life, trapped in my silence
afraid all I was to you was a nuissance
I tremble when I hear your name.
was our relationship just a game?
you are my first love, my true desire
please return and rekindle the fire
MY OLD POEMS (like a year or two old... some are pretty fresh... but most are ancient. It's in order from newest to oldest) -> Undepleted Memory
-> Suppression of Mind
-> Sweet Sin
-> -josh-
-> ... I could be you...
-> Obstreporous Burden
-> Obsession
-> Lost Without You | Addiction
-> Non-existent Heaven
-> So Predictable
-> Judged and Hated
-> Crawling From You
-> Longing For Caress
-> Untitled
-> You'll have me how you want - I'm fEELinG:amused
- tuNES:disturbed
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| I have mosquito bites all over my arms from Friday night/ Saturday morning...::scratches mosquito bites::
I'm gonna try and contact Paul after I feel more awake so I can try and spend time with him. ::scratches mosquito bites::I've been around Tim so much relately, I haven't been seeing much of anyone. ::scratches mosquito bites::
I decided to try a little bit and lose a five pounds this month... lol, I'm not used to trying. I eat when I want and what I want, and it barely shows it. ::scratches mosquito bites:: Ok, there are some bites on my legs. ::scratch:: ::scratch::
Tim's at work from 3 to 8 and I'm going to Walmart and TacoBell with Paul & Ana.
I'm kinda full off of Lasagna I ate...
My neighbors were going at it hardcore... I could hear their bed bang up against the wall and now I'm hearing her boyfriend go "YEAH!!!". I'm eating Pringles. I'm so bored.
I'm lovin life right now. Mostly because I've got enough lovin and attention I think I deserve and more. I need to write my essay for English on Rap Music that's due Tuesday... yipes! well, ttyl... gotta take a shower and go places. brb | |
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| Last night was one of the best nights in my life. Events in order: -waking up in Tim's arms -going to Chemistry and falling asleep in class -lunch (fried OKRA!!! fish and macaroni & cheese) -drive to Houston with Tim and Jake (Jake is Tim's roommate) -visit to my house to get some shit like DVDs and winter clothes -picked up Misty and saw the kittens =^_^=!! -drove to Memorial City Mall -played ITG 2 with Misty and Tim... -shopped at Hot Topic and bought a HAWT DRESS!!! and one for Misty too... and accessories to go with it like pink and black stockings and a star necklace (I'll have to buy the sexy strapped boots online, YAR!) -ate Jack-In-The-Box food at my house in Alief (milkshakes, combo meals and my asian chicken salad) -dropped off Misty at her place... T_T -got lost in North Houston for an hour or so... -finally found the road to got back to beaumont -ran out of gas by a bridge near Winnie and "Anapuac"? (it's a weird name like that that starts with an A) -put on the hazard lights and a guy in a tow truck scared the shit out of us, but was nice enough to give us a gallon of gas and made sure we made it to the fillin station. I paid for gas... ($15. I think Tim earned it. He's such a sweetie.) -drove to High Island... dropped off Jake at his friend's... -me and Tim took a romantic stroll on the beach and sat on the dock to look at the stars. They were gorgeous! I wish I had a good camera to take pics. Sand got in my shoes and pockets... The temperature was nice and it was 4:30 in the morning... -picked up Jake and dorve back to the dorms @ Lamar... dropped off Jake and headed to my place... took a shower and took pics of tim in a towel (He wanted me to) -went to bed at around 8am... Tim's at work from 9am to dunno... (btw, he works at Abercrombie & Fitch in case you didn't know) [ click to see my dress] - [ click to see Misty's
dress] [ click to see the boots I wanna order
online] [< a href=" http://www.greatersouthern.com/manufacturers/andamiro/ITG2Cabinet.jpg">c lick to see ITG 2</a>] - [ click to see Tim in
a towel]
Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
[Chorus]
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say
[Chorus]
But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
[Chorus]
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know
...+ -=*~"Everything You Want" by Vertical
Horizon
- I'm fEELinG:rejuvenated
- tuNES:Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want
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| Take the quiz: "What piercing are you?"
 LipYou're not one of the popular kids, but who cares? you like it that way. you would rather die than be part of their crowd. you may doubt yourself at times but you know you're cool! Gorillaz Yaoi lol,.,= Man, tonight my room mate has everyone and their cousin up in here! I thought they were gonna go club hoppin tonight... but I guess they rather go couch crashin. Tomorrow I'm going to the mall over in Beaumont with Tim and his roommate Jake. At least now I have stuff to look forward to... rather than always looking back at the past for joy... - I'm fEELinG:happy
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| I just wanna have fun on the weekends, if I don't have anything to do like homework or an essay...
My mom is mad at me and, yeah, I know why.
I went to Montrose last night with Tim, a part of Houston a little closer to Beaumont. She thinks the reason I didn't answer the phone was because I was trying to secretly go to Montrose and I was annoyed by her. The reason is partly what she thinks it is. But the reason I didn't answer my phone was because I knew she'd get angry if I was out late, especially with a guy... plus, I was in Houston, she's bound to think that I didn't come and visit her because I didn't want to. It wasn't my car and I wasn't driving. I went to Leopard Lounge to buy shirts... used... I bought one for Paul and one for Lenzie also... as a gift. Since I was in the Montrose area I called Lenzie ahead of time... but she ended up to be busy for hours and hours... (I called her at around 3pm and I didn't get to see her until almost midnight.) I went to Walmart today with my parents and family... Tim following behind in his car... I bought DDR Ultramix 2 for Xbox.
He's gotta work at Abercrombie from 8-11. We're doing laundry at midnight.
I'm helping him with his sigh language Sunday.
I'm off to read for English composition and take a nap... then maybe I'll write my paper for the reading. I still gotta write my outline and rough draft for my essay on Rap Music. "There I go again throwing caution to the wind.
Cause, I can't pretend it's not true and we are only friends.
And it only complicates things, how I feel.
I guess it just depends.
Wish I could talk to you now.
When will I see you again.
I sit at home and think about you all night long.
You've been gone for much too long.
I want to be with you.
I don't want anybody else.
So if you want me too then you can have me for yourself.
And I would walk a million miles just to see you smile.
I'd tempt the hand of fate for a chance to look into your eyes.
I have all but lost my faith that true love could be.
When I hold your hand you make me believe. " -Faithful by Riddlin' Kids
 T_T they tore this "hole" house down on Montrose... I really wanted to show it to Tim while we were over there!  - I'm fEELinG:loved
- tuNES:Riddlin' Kids - Faithful
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| I'm so glad I stopped idolizing Amy Lee from Evanescence. I like being myself and being proud of being me.
People, not everyone, but people that don't know me well enough.
I'm pissed. Not very pissed because I don't care about what people say about me. I stopped caring completely after Josh left Alief. I was all fuck everything. I was just concerned with school and the problems my friends were having in their lives. An example would be when Misty and her boyfriend Dave broke up. I was going through something similiar myself... in a way.... but right now I'm more concerned about school more than ever.
I made an 88 on that calculus/analytical geometry exam becaue of dumb mistakes like forgeting to over use parenthesis because my teacher is a parenthesis freak. And I skipped one quetsion by accident.
But like, the situation with me and Tim isn't what some people think it's like. We aren't going out and we don't kiss. We just hang out at my place and listen to music and talk... basically what I did with Robbie. Me and Tim are just friends.
I consider him my bestfriend... isnce most of my friends are guys. And tend to be obsessed with me, so I'm used to it.
I'm not conceded in any way. I have no reason to be. I'm short and I don't hav a super model's body. I don't try to look like one either. There's no point on wasting my time in trying to impress anyone. I annoy people on purpose. I don't like having friends. I try to limit myself to a few people. I'm feeling better than ever about my social life now that a few people are out of the picture.
Partying is just not my thing. I like to hang out with just one person at a time. I like deep, close relationships rather than trying to even out my attention to a hundred in a day. I like being quiet in public. I like being the center of attention of only only person at a time. I've always been quiet and observant... except around family and close friends.
No really I try to be annoying and it's easy because I know how to gte on people's nerves. If I'm annoying to you, that means I don't like you. period.three times and plenty - I'm fEELinG:thankful
- tuNES:MUSE - time is runnning out
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| So yesterday I went to ONI-CON (an anime convention). I played ITG for free. ( In The Groove, it's kinda like DDR only with a different look and a little bit harder)
I bought Tim an FMA print and when I met Vic Mignogna- the voice actor of Ed in Full Metal Alchemist and Dark in DNAngel - I got him to sign it and it says "Hi Tim" and his signature. I bought Misty a shirt that says "Hentai: my anti-drug" and a Sumomo keychain (form Chobits). I bought myself two shirts, one says "Yaoi: my anti-drug" and the other says "I can't dance without arrows" and it has ITG/DDR arrows on it! I also bought a Kakashi plushie (Kakashi is a character from Naruto). I was about to see PHANTASMAGORIA, KAWAN and HAKAREA in concert but I had to go home... I spent 2 hours in line with Mistya dn them for nothing... Paul's mom picked us up too soon. (it was their first appearance in the US) I'm a bit tired so I'll email my pictures with Vic and Misty to Misty and whoever else asked for it. ciao and goonight.    ![]()              - I'm fEELinG:good
- tuNES:L'arc de Ciel (j-rock radio)
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| Going to Oni-Con today... leaving the bus stop at 9am. which means i'll be awake at 6:30-7am to get ready and get picked up by Paul....
went to beasley yesterday to pick up aaron... so now i know how to get to needville and beasley. damn, I saw a fuckin gigantic squirrel i beasley! that mofo was HUGE, like a medium-sized house cat with a big fluffy tail. the tail was just as big as his body with all the fluff.
We ate a Jack In The Box over in Sugarland, TX. good asian chicken salad. yum ^.^
Apparently I'm still pissed about my dorm and stuff...
---------------------------------------------------------------->
NiGHt StAR giR: so how was your week?
ramonesfan05: it was ok
ramonesfan05: and yours?
NiGHt StAR giR: eeeep, i almost missed class friday
ramonesfan05: thats not good
NiGHt StAR giR: but besides that it was fine
ramonesfan05: thats cool
ramonesfan05: my english teacher is a bitch
NiGHt StAR giR: i stayed up late cleaning the funk in my dorm, so i went to bed at 6 or 7am... and had class at 11:15
NiGHt StAR giR: what she do?
ramonesfan05: i thought the people were supposed to clean everything
NiGHt StAR giR: they didnt
NiGHt StAR giR: it smelled like late stages of fugni
NiGHt StAR giR: fungi
NiGHt StAR giR: they just rummaged through my shit and stuffed the mess in my closet
ramonesfan05: same here!
ramonesfan05: they ripped one of my posters down
NiGHt StAR giR: so when i opened the closet it poured onto my feet
ramonesfan05: crumpled it up[ and left it on the floor
NiGHt StAR giR: they ripped a few of mine :'-(
ramonesfan05: why the ell would they do that
NiGHt StAR giR: they stole the money i saved for a festival that'll go on in houston today
NiGHt StAR giR: they are whack, and need to get fired
NiGHt StAR giR: or tortured straight
ramonesfan05: lol
NiGHt StAR giR: my bathroom floods now
ramonesfan05: i knew better than to leave money here
NiGHt StAR giR: and the sink dosnt drain right... it gets on everything down in the cupboards
ramonesfan05: i know what you need
NiGHt StAR giR: i hid the money well, but they looked throught everything like they were drug hungry
ramonesfan05: there is this liquid plpumber stuff
ramonesfan05: yeah, i hear ya
ramonesfan05: they went through my underwear
NiGHt StAR giR: lol
NiGHt StAR giR: i took my undies with ,e
NiGHt StAR giR: me
ramonesfan05: lol
NiGHt StAR giR: i didnt want perves going through them
ramonesfan05: well, i get mine from walmart
NiGHt StAR giR: really
NiGHt StAR giR: you do
NiGHt StAR giR: well, i guess undies are undies
NiGHt StAR giR: so... where are you? did you go back home?
ramonesfan05: i'm at my room right now
ramonesfan05: really sleepy
ramonesfan05: its 2 am!
NiGHt StAR giR: does it smell weird? or is it same smell?
NiGHt StAR giR: just wonderin
ramonesfan05: it smells fine
NiGHt StAR giR: lucky.
NiGHt StAR giR: mine ... i put tons of carpet freshener and lysol and crap/.... woke up and it smelled the like i didnt do anything
ramonesfan05: aw that sucks
NiGHt StAR giR: and what sucks more
ramonesfan05: ?
NiGHt StAR giR: is that they have a bunch of fertilzed dirt mounds by my room
ramonesfan05: ew
NiGHt StAR giR: like... on the ground by my window
ramonesfan05: don't you live in a top floor
NiGHt StAR giR: and so when i tried to air out my room
NiGHt StAR giR: it smelled like dung
ramonesfan05: thats not cool
ramonesfan05: i'm so tired
ramonesfan05: my eyes sting
NiGHt StAR giR: kk, good night .... much<3
ramonesfan05: night
ramonesfan05 signed off at 2:19:09 AM.
<-----------------------------------------------------
so i guess i am still talking to rob. i thought he wasnt trying to fully avoid me... but i know we're good friends as far as recent acquaintances go.
I dont have a crush on him anymore... i started liking a guy in my chem class. yar
I'll give the info on the convention tomorrow or ASAP.
...I'm glad I can't fall in love right now... - I'm fEELinG:quixotic
- tuNES:Stereomud - Yesterday
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| I neither want to fall in love or be alone
I've never been sure what I owned
You kissed me gentle, Your eyes were open.
You looked into my eyes and I felt something
I'm not sure what it was... but I told everyone it was love.
Although I never was too sure aout much of anything
I was sure you loved me, not so sure anymore
Maybe we're meant for each other, but not right now
Maybe I met you too soon in life, noone knows.
You and I are the only ones who knew where we were for those couple hours
I think about you everyday, I pray I'd stop - thinking you'd not come back one day
You are distant, it's your nature to be so mysterious
I know I love you long ago... but that day, had I fell in love once more?
Fell in love with five people after you... well, certain about one but the others were questionable
You didn't love me then, I wonder if you came back in my life that day because you realized you were in love
I may never know for sure, I wish you were here with me right now
I'd tell you how I feel and more, You were my first love...
I pray you'll be my last, my only... the truest love of all...
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It's 5:07am in the morning and I havent gone to bed yet... thinking about Saturday and what I should do... I either go to Buzzfest XVI with Tim or Oni-con with Paul and my friends.
The choice may be apparent, I should go with the one that has more people involved... plus, I've been looking forward to this anime convention since I realized that O-Chibicon sucked ass. And that was back in the summer.
But I have no money in possession of the quantity I need for Oni-Con and expenses there. Tim would take me to the concert and pay for at least the ticket... and maybe food, but I'm not sure.
Yesterday I had a weird 15 minute conversation with my Chinese English teacher...
she was like "Are you the only child?", "Are you close to your parents?", and "...how does that make you feel...?"
It made me uncomfortable....
earlier.. like at 3 or 4 am I did laundry because we have fre laundry for a week due to the mold in the dorms.
I really wanted to see the bands at Buzzfest XVI, but I've been wanting to go to a good anime con. ::sigh::
So my dorm is currently clean and smelling better... good day. Hope today will be better than I think it'll be. - I'm fEELinG:restless
- tuNES:SOAD - Cigaro AMV Bleach
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| I'm feeling good. Great actually. I've figured out much of what I wanna do in the near future and have plenty ideas for farther future. I'm not in love with anyone currently.
I choose to be single for at least a month... could be longer depending. Man, I'm just pissed that all my money that I left in my drawer I had saved up for OniCon is gone.
I don't know who took it, I'm pretty sure I didn't misplace it.
I moved back in and everything was in a different place or shoved in th closet. My food was mixed with my room mate's and the place under the sink is soaked... I have no dry towels, they are all freakin wet. And Portia turned out the water in the bath tub for her bath and the water came out brown! ew. I watched the movie Kissing A Fool again, it's a pretty good movie... not fucking beautiful... but good. I <3 Ragnarok. I'll be on that MMORPG tonight... Prolly until 4 or 5am depending.
I gave Paul the programs so he can try and fix his old laptop. Later I'm gonna take the towels to the laundry room to get them cleaned and dried. they say that nobody loves noone... when in fact I love noone. I love my family like I should and friends the same way only a lesser kind of love. I don't need to fall in love any time soon because I need time to mend this broken heart. - I'm fEELinG:good
- tuNES:HIM - the new Dark Light CD
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| So tomorrow I'll be returning to Beaumont at around 5 or 6pm.
This is my last night here in Houston for a while...
My ex-boyfriend, Bobby, joined the military and will be sent to boot camp for 9 weeks starting tomorrow.
My new boyfriend lives and studies in England going to Oxford.
It pisses me off because he teases me so much online in forums, messages, emails and Yahoo Messenger.... yar
I'll be missing yall while I'm away... I got pretty settled and now I have to leave again.
Today I danced with my mother... I had forgetten how to dance with someone because it had been so long. She told me a story of when I was younger and I liked to be dipped as I danced with my father or mother.
I remember quite alot of my childhood, oddly I remember it alot better than things that just occured not too long ago. I have better long-term memory than short-term.
Weird, but I start remembering stuff about 3 years after they happened. And sometimes randomly before then. I constantly need to be reminded. yar
Today was the October Festival at my catholic church... so after the fest my family + Sean and Sue went to the cemetary to visit my grandparents' grave, then the mall and then back to the fest right before mass because we arrived back too soon.
My cousins were attending as well, besides Sean and Sue... Marie, Lyda and Daryl.
I rarely see my older cousins because they work alot and moved out of their parents' house. Therese lives with Adam. Marie lives with Chris. (their boyfriends) And they all decided to lived in a two bedroom apartment to save a little bit of $.
Lyda lives by herself in an apartment (a very very nice one too, nice carpet and setting) and her brother Daryl lives by himself in a house he just bought in Downtown Houston near the medical center, I think (I've been there too and it's also very very nice)
I can't wait to graduate college and make ca$h on my own so I can afford my won place to live, decorate and clean. I plan to live in a townhome with a couple of friends... maybe Misty or whoever else wants to be my "housemate".
I think it'd be cool to live with Misty because we'd have things that decorate that we'd both like... and there wouldn't be too much arguement and such. We are bestfriends so of course I'd thought of having her as a roommate.
My roommate at Lamar in the dorms is alright, we respect each others' shit, so there isn't any conflict there... I just hope I get a roommate I have more in common with besides just being female and freshmen in college... oh, yeah and she's also form Houston... but I thinks she's a city person... I'm kinda part country and part city but wholey suburbian. I was raise by my wonderful parents in this tiny town of Alief. It may not be the best town in Houston but I <3 Alief. I kinda have to.
If you love me, let go... - I'm fEELinG:optimistic
- tuNES:HIM - Funeral of Hearts
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| *+-------current to posting: I wrote->
I've made up my mind. I want someone new. Someone I haven't met yet.
I love you Bobby and I know you love me too... but I can't date someone like you.
We aren't meant to be. It makes me sad because what we shared was special. And I'm not too sure if I can find anyone better than you.
I wish you could go to college and make something of yourself like I'm in the process of doing.
Because I don't want to feel like money is the object in our relationship. When everyone else thinks you're retarded... I don't I see passed what's said in your file.
I saw all the potential and love you have.
I'm trying not to cry.
Getting over you is going to be hard, but I'm willing to do it if everyone else thinks you're a loser.
I feel like crying everytime I begin to remember the times we shared. Paul doesn't like you because he feels something isn't right about you.
I'm not bi or gay anymore because I feel that any relationship with a girl that I have doesn't have much but physical chemistry. All the romance is just not present.
That's why I can't understand gay people... but I welcome them as friends and I see them as equals to anyone... compared. Anyway, enough of that...
I fell in love with a MMORPG! It's called Lightside Legends - Ragnarok.
(MassMultiPlayer Online Role-Playing Game)
this one is free to pay, just download.... it may take a few days to download, but you'll find it's worth it (if gaming is your deal)
Located at...
<a href="http://clownphobia.com">http://www.clownphobia.com</a> And that's why I haven't updated in awhile.
But I don't think anyone missed me posting blogs and journal entries, so all is pretty damn good.
I'll be going back to school this coming Wednesday and I can't wait.
Monday is when I moved bakc to Beaumont and see what's changed, if any. Today I went to Funplex with Misty and Paul. I played some DDR with Misty.
It wa scrazy... there was thee lil asian middle schoolers everywhere hogging both DDR machines. It was scary and hectic.
If it weren't for them and Misty's lack of tokens we'd play more DDR.
After that we headed to Paul's to play my In The Groove game (which is a game much like DDR only there are hand plants, hand plants are when there are three arrow columns used at once. tis mad I tell ya.) It's on PS2 and arcade.
I'm used to playing ITG at Memorial City mall, that's my favorite mall.
I don't normally like malls that much, but this one is cool and has a better variety of stores... they just lack game stores : /
man, kellen told misty that there's 3 DDR machines currently at Funplex!
Two out and one in storage. The "new" one is crappy and has monitor issues... it's too freakin dim. But the "old" one is my fave machine in the US. Mostly because it's in my hometown, Kellen works there and could give a little bit of tokens sometimes, and it's well taken care of. Mostly because Kellen is a DDR whore and take care of "his" "baby" (the DDR machine).
woot!
Imma go shoot this multi-day entry on the net and play more Ragnarok Online.
I'm getting fat! yar, I think it's cause of that buffet they have at Lamar U. I haven't gotten any bigger since I left there... so i'm guessin that.
Normally I weight around 125... but now it's like O_O 135-140. at least that's what my scale at home says... dammit. I'll just take a jog tomorrow, do something... play DDR excessively... i don't know!
w/e... bye... gotta go smash those Porings and such! *+---------10/12/05- I wrote->
I can't believe myself. I listen to the song "The Taste Of Ink" by The Used and I'm purely reminded of Josh. I miss him and I wonder so much about what could've been and what could possibly be if we had the chance to do it all over again.
I'm sure it would be 100% different than the first time because now it's 3 years later and we're more mature and would have more feeling for each other.
But anyway, I'm giving up on trying to find a boyfriend for a few years... unless one just falls in my lap... then that's another story.
forget about serious relationships... I'm shooting for something more like a friendship... more like thing... like holding hands and an occasional quick kiss on the cheek or lips. No getting hot and heavy. Just playful and cute.
haha. I know I like guys with pretty eyes. It's something I proved any times already... than the next thing I look for is a spunky, sweet persona... then a slender yet somewhat athetic bod that isn't too skinny and isn't average built.
I tend to be attracted to guys that have hair on their head rather than a super hot bod. I'd stick with the nice guy more likely than the hot cocky yet sexy guy.
I want a guy who's sexy in a way but not too sexy... sweet and crazy haha... sick in the head. Who loves playful kisses and thinks asking a girl to suck their cock is degrading and disrespectful.
honestly I prefer sweetness to sex. if the guy knows how to please me without having sex with me or getting me drunk... then there's a better chance I'd stick with him.
He's gotta know how to party but not party hrad enough to where he's hungover the next morning. Someone that has a great sense of himself but isn't straight-up-in-your-face cocky, and in no way rude. I like nice guys that are patient and are good listeners.
I love my life right now ^_^. *+----------October 10, 2005- I wrote->
I guess the older I get the more patient I become...
and we were all waiting... for life is a long wait for the peace of death.
But it's up to each and every one of us to decide how we should wait.
Others sit around and bitch about how life is hard and boring
while everyone else thrives to survive and work hard for a living...
life is never easy... it's just how you look at it...
life is the longest wait, but life is too short to just sit around...
you have to make the best out of it for you only have one life
and if you don't take risks than you are simply missing around
for life is about taking risks and chances
it's not about luck and fate... it's about being humble and having faith.
Put faith in yourself for truly you are all you really have
everything else is someone else or was someone else and later... will be someone else's.
buy clothes that could last at least six months before falling apart and ripping to shreds...
give to the needy, take all that you are given... and pass on what you do not use for others can use them.
so take a million pictures and smile as much as you can, even though sometimes it's hard.
laugh like there's no tomorrow and be clever yet generous and caring. - I'm fEELinG:full
- tuNES:HIM - Wings Of A Butterfly
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| I'm currently in Galveston with my family... it's the parents, Cindel, Sue, Sean and Paul (and me).
I was trying to play Diablo II earlier but my pc has 100MB of damaged memory... approximately. And it was so slow... mostly because I'm scanning for viruses and adware at the same time as playing D2.
I'm thinking of purchasing a Dreamcast so I can have a chao from Sonic Adventures. I can keep it like a Nanopet/Gigapet if I have a memory card. lol. I may never so this though.
A few nights ago I had a dream (wednesday night, i think) about the perfect boyfriend.
Let's see... physical attributes... ummm... shaggy blonde hair (frosted) - natural color was dark brown though... bangs that covered his forehead and short hair in the back and sides... but shaggy bangs and long shaggy sideburns.
He had his ears stretched to a 0 or 00 gauge. He was around six feet tall, slender yet slightly muscular.... in pretty good shape. lol. he was PERFECT, hello!
I didn't remember his name after I woke up. I dont think he had a name, but he looked like a Todd or Patrick.
He claimed to be mostly of Irish decent, he last name was common but I didn't remember it after I had awaken from the dream. He had the most gorgeous brown eyes. We met at work... he wasn't a co-worker, but a lab tech from another company that is a sister company to the company I work for. I think we were still pretty fresh from college... no more than 2 years... so we were somewhere around the ages 22 and 23. He was something like 6-10 months older.
God was he FINE. I think I was biting at my fingers everytime I saw him.
He'd smile at me. I met him because he always picks up a friend of his who works in the same building as I do... in fact the same research group. They lived in the same apartment complex and his friend lives with his girlfriend who's pregnant and out of work. "Mr.Wonderful" lived in a two bedroom apartment by himself. I lived in a two bedroom condo with a couple. I believe their names were Stacey and Warren. I was paying for the condo (rent-to-own) and they paid rent to me. I was basically letting them live there for nothing... because the guy had three PCs and she had two, a laptop and a desktop. He was a computer programmer and she was a journalist.
Anyway, so me and "Patrick" made about the same amount of dough. But he hardly spent his money... he hasn't ever really had much of a girlfriend. He told me that women were only nice to him if he spent money on them and he didn't like the idea of such a materialistic woman (even though I can be alot of the time, just instead of glam I spend money on expensive furniture, electronics, games and sometimes clothing... giving my tax refunds to charities and family members in need (mostly Sean & Sue for college)) Anyway... so he only had a laptop, a few bookshelves full of countless novels and reference books... and a box of DVDs. He never owned any porn and never cared for it.He graduated at the bottom of his class in high school but managed to succeed in college. He was extremely knowledgable and confident. There was nothing shy about him. He likes to read books. He enjoys being told a good story... which was something he loved about me... he loved my stories and my humor. We were friends. We had hung out at the coffee shop a zillion times before we ever kissed. He had already heard over a thousand of my stories and jokes. Odd thing was... we had much in common outside of hobbies and culture. We were much alike in a way enough to compliment each other's personalities and traits. I know I'm not gorgeous to every guy and neither was he- to girls. But the chemistry was so pure it made my eyes tear up everytime I thought about him... because everything felt right for once and we were like a team.
One day, we got in a fight... but as all our fights go... we usually make out passionately and talk until the break of dawn afterwards... but this time it got serious, we just felt so much anger towards each other... I don't remember what the fight was about but I know it lead to something wonderful.
We wound up de-clothing each other and having animal sex. (sex I've never experienced before)
I remember it exactly... the motion went on for maybe one to two hours and after we were tired we sensually kissed. And when we stopped kissing we fell asleep in each other's arms... the next morning we freaked out and swore that this wouldn't turn into anything serious... just fuck buddies that were the best of friends and nothing more.
We were both in denial about our feelings for each other. He was afraid of rejection, heartache, and losing me. I was of the same things. But for different reasons... I fell in love so many times and always had no lasting relationships. each one shorter than the last... starting with Clint and Bobby.
It turned out I was his first, apparently I was the first for all the guys I've been with (in the dream). He was a virgin. And I had made love with five guys before him... which right now... I've only had three. I'm in no rush to add to the list. It was the first time I hadn't used a condom, I never carried condoms with me and he never saw a need for it since he was trying to stay away from women until he made more money and had a better job. Luckily he didn't knock me up. We both thought that us having sex with each other as "fuck buddies" would only last for a month... but it didn't even live that long. By the end of the first week he had already asked me to marry him. The first week of the "fuck buddy" plan was like this. We had sex three times on the first night of it. Had sex again in the morning... And the following day we were back to normal... well, not really. Remember, sex changes everything. We stopped talking to each other for three days, to sort out thoughts... it seemed like the best way. Well, almost three.
The night of the last day he knocked on the door of my townhome. I was asleep. I was angry about the knocking but once I saw it was him I felt a jolt of energy and joy leap in my veins! I took him in my room to talk, because the other people that lived there were awake but drunk in the livingroom. I had a bit to drink myself. Just a Smirnoff Twisted... like green apple or watermelon or somethin. well, I took two bottles with me and gave one to him. We drank and talked out our problems with life... things we kept from each other that were more personal and hidden in the memories of the past.
He said he was too tired to go home to sleep... so we shared my bed. It was the first time he was in my bed and my bed was smaller than his.. so we were forced alot closer... but neither of us minded. There was a long silence. And I thought he was asleep. I couldn't fall asleep I was was so glad he was there. I was quite depressed before he arrived that night... and the first time ever he says, "I love you, Jolene" words I haven't heard from anyone I loved in a long time (that weren't family). He gazed deeply in my eyes. then he said, "And I know you love me too". A tear fell down my cheek and I pressed my face against his chest. I could hear his heart beating loud as ever. He bent his neck and kissed the top of my head. I looked up at him and he playfully licked my cheek. Staring into his eyes I felt a magnetic-like force bring our lips together. And woke the next morning we had smiles up to our ears and I wrapped in nothing but my clothes and a blanklet of him.
At work the next day he came to my building again, like he had to pick up his friend... but this time I noticed something different. He was dressed semi-formal and had a serious look on his face. He said "My father died this morning. He asked me to give this to you." He handed me a small unlabelled envelope. I opened it and found a diamond ring. He knealt on bented knee and said, "I don't need my parents to tell me what a wonderful girl you are. I knew it since the day I first saw saw you. We're inseparable as it is, but I want us to continue it as husband and wife. Jolene Davis will you stand by my side until death parts us?" Of course I accepted. And he paid off my condo, found a cheap place for the two "dwellers" to live... gave my bed to charity and moved in condo with me. the room that was Stacey and Warren's was turned into a library/ computer room. About 3 or 4 years later it was our son's room... then 3 or 4 years from then we moved into a new big house after selling the condo. And had a daughter the following year. the house had 6 rooms... a play room for the kids, a bedroom for each, two rooms for me and "Patrick"- one for sleeping and the other for working-or whatever, and the last room for guests. What a weird dream, huh. Well, later on he never dyes his hair again and it's dark brown and lets his ear stretchings heal up and seal the holes. He had one tattoo made and it was symbols which meant "True Love is eternal and worth more than anything in the world." not in those exact words... quite a vivid dream I painted, ey?
I've never told him I loved him in the dream. He told me he never had to hear it, because he knows it already and he says at the end of my dream... "Knowing and believing you love me is a hundred times better than any words I can hear. You are the best thing this world has offered me and I can't take that forgranted. Everyday of my life I'll love you and take care of you. I swear..." And he did...
But remember this was only a dream. - I'm fEELinG:good
- tuNES:Naruto Intro #3 song
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| So here I am in Houston in a little town called Alief. I love this town because I grew up here. I'm 17 years old and three months shy of 18 years of age. In three months I'll be a legal smoking age (which doesn't mean I'll take up such a disqusting habit) and I'll just have 3 years to wait to drink alcohol legally and go to just about any club as well as rent any movie and see any movie and leave the country without anyone else's consent. I'll also be a senior in college and have other responsibilities I'll acquire for being the age of 21. Next year I'll be a sophomore in college. Currently I'm just a freshmen at Lamar University in Beaumont, Texas. I hardly ever have a chance to leave the state. But I've been to Las Vegas, many citis in Arizona, California, Illinois, Arkansas, Tennessee, Missouri, New Mexico, Alabama, Mississippii, Florida and Oklahoma. I'm half filipino (pacific islander/asian) and half caucasian (mostly irish and scottish). My hair is so dark brown it's nearly black and I'm slighty tanned on my arms and legs but 2 or 3 shades darker than pale everywhere else... including my face. My eyes are brown and are probably my best feature beside my smile... and from what I hear, my breasts. (Guys can can so perverted, ya?) Huricane Rita damaged my college; flooded the floors and broke alot of windows... and they didn't have power for almost 3 weeks. So I'm stuck in Houston until October 17th I'll be back living in the dorms on campus. I miss my dorm/college life. It was independent, away form my parents and full of new faces. My brain is doing better because I'm too busy to over think things. I'm led to an adventure of thoughts. My friend Tanya introduced me to a new site called " Hi5". I'm putting on the list of journals and blogs I'll update whenever I'll update this one... which is about 2 or 5 times a week. so just about every other day. Anyway, on another topic... I made new TOPICS on my bravenet message forum... you should take a took at " WAYS TO TORTURE A PERSON" " GREAT PLACE FOR A MARRIAGE" " WHAT SIZE DO YOU PREFER/WHAT SIZE DO YOU THINK IS TOO BIG" ... my message forum is located at http://pub49.bravenet.com/forum/4181223138my old topic is " REASONS WHY I HATE AMERICANS" If you got any ideas for new topics for my message forum [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] http://pub49.bravenet.com/forum/4181223138/fetch/531134/">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] So here I am in Houston in a little town called Alief. I love this town because I grew up here. I'm 17 years old and three months shy of 18 years of age. In three months I'll be a legal smoking age (which doesn't mean I'll take up such a disqusting habit) and I'll just have 3 years to wait to drink alcohol legally and go to just about any club as well as rent any movie and see any movie and leave the country without anyone else's consent. I'll also be a senior in college and have other responsibilities I'll acquire for being the age of 21. Next year I'll be a sophomore in college. Currently I'm just a freshmen at Lamar University in Beaumont, Texas. I hardly ever have a chance to leave the state. But I've been to Las Vegas, many citis in Arizona, California, Illinois, Arkansas, Tennessee, Missouri, New Mexico, Alabama, Mississippii, Florida and Oklahoma. I'm half filipino (pacific islander/asian) and half caucasian (mostly irish and scottish). My hair is so dark brown it's nearly black and I'm slighty tanned on my arms and legs but 2 or 3 shades darker than pale everywhere else... including my face. My eyes are brown and are probably my best feature beside my smile... and from what I hear, my breasts. (Guys can can so perverted, ya?) Huricane Rita damaged my college; flooded the floors and broke alot of windows... and they didn't have power for almost 3 weeks. So I'm stuck in Houston until October 17th I'll be back living in the dorms on campus. I miss my dorm/college life. It was independent, away form my parents and full of new faces. My brain is doing better because I'm too busy to over think things. I'm led to an adventure of thoughts. My friend Tanya introduced me to a new site called "<a href="http://hi5.com">Hi5</a>". I'm putting on the list of journals and blogs I'll update whenever I'll update this one... which is about 2 or 5 times a week. so just about every other day. Anyway, on another topic... I made new TOPICS on my bravenet message forum... you should take a took at "<a href="http://pub49.bravenet.com/forum/4181223138/fetch/531136/">WAYS TO TORTURE A PERSON</a>" "<a href="http://pub49.bravenet.com/forum/4181223138/fetch/531137/">GREAT PLACE FOR A MARRIAGE</a>" "<a href="http://pub49.bravenet.com/forum/4181223138/fetch/531139/">WHAT SIZE DO YOU PREFER/WHAT SIZE DO YOU THINK IS TOO BIG</a>" ... my message forum is located at <a href="http://pub49.bravenet.com/forum/4181223138">http://pub49.bravenet.com/forum/4181223138</a> my old topic is "<a href="http://pub49.bravenet.com/forum/4181223138/fetch/504308/">REASONS WHY I HATE AMERICANS</a>" If you got any ideas for new topics for my message forum <a href=""http://pub49.bravenet.com/forum/4181223138/fetch/531134/">see this</a>. <--click there or copy and paste this addres into your URL. http://pub49.bravenet.com/forum/4181223138/fetch/531134/ | |
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| I finally figured out why I can't make a relationship work. It's all because deep inside my head I keep my hopes up and believe one day Josh will come back to me. He may be my only chance to real, true and ever-lasting love. This sucks. I wish so much to talk to him. I know it in my heart that he doesn't love him at all. And I bet he doesn't even think about me. But for some odd reason I'm so hopeful that maybe, just maybe he's been trying to find me too. That he's been thinking about me like I think about him. I know these facts now. I never loved Lee... he was justa rebound boyfriend. I just simply transferred all my feelings from Josh as well as combining the pains inside... And then Clint was just an awakening. I never really loved anyone else but Josh and Bobby. I know I loved Bobby. Bobby is still important to me... but at the moment Joshua has been on my mind 24/7. Damn, this song on the radio really reminds me of what it was like to be in love and have them love me back. This sucks. I hope I get over Josh if he doesn't love me.  And if he does we find each other. I'd give up much to be with Joshua. I wish he knew the hurt I felt went he left me. I read my journal from 9th grade... it tore me up inside and casued me to tremble. My world just feels so cold. I just need someone to hold me and keep me warm until I find love again. I know i'm just 17, so I know for a fact I'll experience it all over again... And I'm pretty sure I'll feel heartbreak and angush again and probably more than once. And I'll break a few hearts before I find the right person to settle with... which will be no sooner than 5 years. I plan to get married a year or two after college at least, but get married before I'm 30. And I don't care if I ever have children. I just wish for love. I wish for an eternal unconditional love between me and another man. Either Josh or someone I have yet to meet. Dark brown or black hair, kind, gentle with women, tall, slender, fair complexion, brown or green eyes and a lovely sense of humor <3. In some way I'll still have a place for you in my heart.
*08/03/2002 - My 9th Grade Diary
*01/02/2003 - My Conversation with Lee #1 ("Lee Loves Me")
*01/23/2003 - Conversation with Lee #2 ("Me And Lee After Breakup"
*05/15/2003 - My Convo With Nora
*06/07/2003 - Convo with Paula
*08/04 /2004 - Convo with Clint
*05/16/2005 - Convo with Bobby
*09/13/ 2005 - Convo with Robbie #1
*09/13/2005 - Convo with Tim #1
*09/ 13/2005 - Convo with Sarah
*09/14/2005 - Convo with Robbie #2
*09 /16/2005 - Convo with Robbie #3
*09/19/2005 - Convo with Tim #2
well, anyway, today I went to the mall with Paul and met up with Lindsey, her boyfriend Ben, Ana and Andrew. We were all there at The Galleria. I have no idea what's going on tomorrow, but I'm guessing it isn't much. I need to call misty real soon and find out when we'll be spending time with each other. g'night. | |
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| tonight it just like any another night at home since I've bought this laptop from CompUSA... filled with internet surfing and independent computer-related activities.
Only thing that makes tonight different is the fact that I'm saving all my journal entries from as far back as I remember... and when I mean 'as far back as I remember', I mean the oldest blog or journal who's screen name I can remember along with it's password. And I've notice how my password's been the same for the passed two years.
There's alot of memories in there that made my insides feel as if they were to exit from my stomach and chest. It hurts so much... and I notice how my past is worse than my situation now and recently... :)
I've got friends to thank for that. And it was partly because I've mature much since then. And I'm two years older, almost 3 years older for some of those entries I skimmed through... so since I have alot of free time, created by Hurricane Rita, I'll read my old entries and see how much of it I had forgotten. I know my memory has gotten worse because ther are a few people that I don't remember at all. And so when I read some, I was completely lost and confused... My memory is terrible. I don't remember anything but a few days from my relationship with Clint. And Bobby... well, just a little much than my memories of Joshua. And I've gone out with Bobby more than 6 months and Joshua only 2 weeks.
Me meeting Joshua was the key factor... it was a turning point in my life. And now I've found I'm in the same place just a new layer.
I found that now I'm able to handle the truth a whole lot more than when I was in the 9th grade. I've learned to be open to the right kind of people and not make most of the same mistakes over and over again.
I know that some of yall read my journals and wonder why I write so much. Well, I have a horrible memory and I need these entries to help me remember or just inform me of the past event I've forgotten.
I love you all so much.
I don't write almost everyday to bore yall to death. I write it for my own sake and for people that may actually want to know what's been going on in my life in any given time they look up. These journals online is probably the best source to get info on me. Because nothing in here is a lie. When I say I love someone I really do and when I say I hate someone... it means I really don't like them.
Hey you, I'm in love with you... I really don't want to be anymore. Although we've had more good times than bad times... I believe that the only way I can grow as a person is if I started a new chapter of my life and moved on. I need to meet someone new. No rebounds this time. And no replays. I've got to start a fresh new page in my book of life. New photos to be saved and some hung on the walls. New journals and new blogs to write. New poems to scribble on lined paper. New drawings to be sketched in my new sketchbook. But believe it or not I still need you. Not for the love from a boyfriend, but for the love of a friend. A friend who hopefully cares and will back me up whenever I need the support... and will be there even Iif I do not need them... - I'm fEELinG:bored
- tuNES:Green Day - Novacaine
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| hey everyone! today I'm gonna spend time with my best friend Misty. We're playing DDR until we drop dead. She cancelled on me for KELLEN! But I'm still playing until I die. Because I sprung to buy the pad and game it cost me 150 but it'll be more than it's worth, making new memories and giving me all the amusement I need to cheer up! ^_^... I drove over to Paul's house... first time i've driven a car in six months (since the car accident). I feel refreshed and I'm starting a new chapter in my life starting today! I got these anime lyrics from a site, it's my current fave song from DDR. " What am I gonna do, if I can't get through counting all these freckles in my life? It's just a waste of my time, and there's no finishing line. How am I gonna do, if I can not get you to listen to the dreams we could fulfill? Can't get them out of my bed, I want to knock them down the stairs. I check the stars, but there's no sign. Venus to Mars there is no line, baby. I could be happy, if you still loved me. Still your memory's clear, Always here deep inside my heart. (Deep inside my heart) I want you back to come and feed my appetite. Another lonely night, it's our life, why aren't you around? (Why aren't you around?) I'm all alone, thinking. Here my eyes fill with fear. It's my life, why are you not here?" - Freckles (English Version) by TIGGY available on DDR Extreme (arcade)
 MIROKU!!! Miroku's the guy for you! He likes girls so much that you might have to pull him away from other girls. He is a bit of a perv, but you might see that as a PLUS! ^_^ Enjoy! Which anime boy is for you? brought to you by Quizilla
=me say, "Bah! I hate Inuyasha! yuck."
 Your anime hair colour is... RED!!! You are hyper and energetic. You're always up for something new, and are adventurous. Congratulations! What's your true anime hair colour? brought to you by Quizilla
=me say, "I wonder if they have green hair as a resule, I want green hair! but red is better than blonde!"
 Heartbroken- We and the rest feel that you should stop reading romance novels please. Its not healthy for you to do so. I predict that you're overwhelming by self-pity and that you're life has been nothing but a game. You are probably stressed soo....slow down...and STOP EATING FATTY FOODS! That void in your life will go away soon...and that special someone will notice you...someday. Which anime stereotype are you? brought to you by Quizilla
=me say, "This is true... but I'll try my best to stay on the positive side... besides it cheers me up when I make others laugh and smile!"- I'm fEELinG:rejuvenated
- tuNES:Fall Out Boy - Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner
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| I'm at my cousin's and i'm dying to talk to you... it's been awhile since we've talked... I'm not sure how long it has been. I didn't do much today... I just watched some Chobits and explored New Angel a little bit... just a couple peeks. ALl that after I updated more pics on gpix for everyne to see. <CLICK HERE>well, what's new? look in the Florida section. And there may be more in the Beaumont section... I'm not too sure I'm tired and sleepy. I'm sleeping over at my cousin Paul's with Aaron, Sean and Sue... This morning I'll be eating breakfast at my cousin Lyda's and watching Naruto. It's an okay anime. I don't like much anime except for Gravitation, Trigun, Chobits, Love Hina and Full Metal Alchemist. But I do <3 Kakashi from Naruto. I'm a sucker for young guys with white hair, by young I mean around 20... so basically 18-22. Either white or green. I love green hair on guys! And 4th favorite hair color for guys is blue. So in order it's #1-black, #2-green, #3white and #4blue. Other hair colors depend on the guy. Some dude can pull off the pink or red hair.... sometimes even purple! well, enough about that and time for bed... I can't wait until college classes start up again after all this shit >:O I miss you so much. I love you... I hate you... I can't live without you. | |
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doomkitty121's journal
